• Anon White Belt

WHO IS HE/SHE???? "The Anonymous White Belt"

Updated: Dec 4, 2020

The provocative writer who shares the much needed forked tongue in BJJ... Don't get offended if what is being said seems like someone you may know...take a look, say F*&% it and drive on.... OSS!

Disclaimer: 'the articles presented are not a reflection of the views and values of the owners of BJJ Report'



-A passionate, over educated, and overly opinionated Jiu Jitsu novice


Hello fellow acai eaters and wrist-lock enthusiasts, welcome to my brain! Inside is a random collection of thoughts and opinions on the strange subculture of Jiu Jitsu I have gathered from my own experiences as well as the hundreds of underlying messages from each post that I read on the internet. In short, I will say it so you don't have to and even better I will say it because you didn't. You can thank me later...


I aim to question a lot of our traditions and maybe ruffle a few feathers here and there, but remember; everything I write, I write out of love for this art. Now that I have your attention, let’s start this party off with a quick word about our favorite, mostly doctorate-less teachers, our Professors.


(Season 1 Article 1 TITLED “Get your shrimp together” )


Have you ever walked into a Jiu Jitsu gym and been hit with the stench of bro-science and testosterone? (a rhetorical question) 9 times out of 10 that scent is coming from the Professor. Despite the aforementioned title, the curriculum for the class is something he/she thought of on the car ride over to the academy, something haphazard and structure-less yet most likely form their arsenal of wisdom used in whatever tournament they won. Are we white belts supposed to collect enough of these random techniques for years until we miraculously come out of this ordeal a black belt? A fraction of those who wash out of the week of trial classes may, but keep in mind Professors, collecting random Americana variations that are taught in the lunch time class will not help me win a fight.


What could be more productive than teaching a You-tube calf slicer you watched on the toilet right before the kid’s class? Basics. When in doubt, getting out of bad spots and moving your hips is something that EVERYONE needs in their game anyway. Why not teach us that? And the best thing about only teaching basics, is that you can still come up with lessons on the car ride over the academy. You may get mad and twist me into oblivion, but keep in mind that my lack of skill is also a reflection of your teachings (or my dedication, or my lack of attention span because well, because I'm bored) At the end of the day, I can twist the lid off my mason jar of probiotic protein packed gluten free keto Greek yogurt; however, at the end of your day, you have a student who cannot pull off a hip escape.


Remember, these are just observations and a reflection of my thirst to improve…

Yours Truly - Anonymous White Belt



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